As a pregnant trans man, I'm learning to find the stories that serve me, and to let go of the rest.
Thank you for this. I deeply appreciate the way you’re sharing this story. I’ll be forwarding it to three friends today, per your request.
Once again, impeccably written! And love the title.
I love the way you combine the mysteries and complexities of both pregnancy and trans identity in your essays, Finn. Carrying a child is the most displacing and bewildering experience for anyone, and as a cis woman/mother with a trans child, I am loving following your journey to parenthood.
Appreciating your sharing of your perspectives and lived experiences.
Hello future parent! Just to send you all the love. I remember feeling really overwhelmed while pregnant with surprise twins and under-going numerous surgeries for vulvar cancer. I remember stopping at one point and thinking about how my heart and my breath enables my babies to breathe, and that it's not just them inside of me, but US. What I didn't expect was how birth is a simultaneous process of death as well - as the "me" I was, seized to be, and a new identity was born with my babies. There was a period of tremendous shifting as I came to understand my new identity, of love, of grief, of anger, of strength. Just imagine, you'll be writing not "as a pregnant trans man", but something else, post-partum, post 'trans', something 'otherwise'. I wish you well on this journey of discovery, and invite you to lean into the discomfort as you leave one realm for another. It is the most incredible feeling to finally meet your baby, and to know that you are inextricably linked, forever. Maybe don't let go of the rest, maybe hold space for the uncertainties and paradoxes as lessons to share with your new child, yet dance, and DANCE DEEP with all the stories that do serve you. And remember, you're not ever going to get it wrong, because you love your child and they are meant to be yours. Love from a mama to two-year old twins, and a 3 year-old (one year cancer free!) xxx